![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
One-Shot : Solo
Warnings : Speculations spinning on so much false whatever
Pairing : RyoKame more than ever
A/N : for my own personal lolcatz provider and uplifter of my mood :-*.
These, these are the best years of Nishikido Ryo's life.
In all probability.
It hits home.
It only hits home now as he waits to be interviewed on his own, a full-blown interview. Unlike Kamenashi Kazuya sitting there across the room who's only going to be going in as a sidesman, some sort of accessory to the Kimura Takuya. Yeah like the Kimura Takuya's little cute hamster that he carries around in his pocket everywhere to show off.
Sure it's a cute act.
But there's no room for mistake.
Kame's not the star there.
At best he's a satellite.
Ryo, now, is the star of his own show. Shows.
It's started this year, his being awarded a succession of successful roles, and it hasn't shown any signs of stopping since and now he's in the Limelight with a big L and what they never mention about it all those years they dangle the thing, the Fame, in front of their impressionable junior noses is that the lime is in the word for a reason.
Yes, there's an unexplainable but undeniable bitterness about the Fame.
It's an acquired taste he supposes.
Ryo'll get around to fully appreciating it, he decides, the second he can take a breather.
Although that second is looking invisible so far on the horizon of his schedule.
But he can't and he won't complain.
At least not aloud.
It's Ryo's hour of glory.
He needs to seize it unabashedly.
What if it totally stresses him out to see it taking off like some fucking rocket.
His career.
He was always successful from the very beginning, from his Ryo-chan days, sure, but guess what, now it looks like he can shed the fucking chan at long last.
Oh he knew it was affectionate of the fans and shit.
It still hella rankled.
Who wants to be indefinitely diminutively suffixed?
The intent was always to be Ryo-sama, motherfucker.
Getting there.
At lightning speed even.
So why the want to crawl in a corner somewhere and bawl his eyes out, one asks? Ryo asks himself, for the umpteenth time. He answers the same as all the times before.
He knows it's mostly just exhaustion, this feeling.
Who knew you actually had to work at it so damn hard, once you reach this level, instead of relaxing and enjoying and reaping everything to the max?
Kame probably.
And yeah, even then, having gotten here, it doesn't quite guarantee you the glory, not long term.
Ask the Kimura Takuya's cutie pet over there.
He's grateful to be just guesting, Ryo bets, and that'll maybe be his biggest break this year.
Life as it's unfolding now.
It seems to be running on error mode somehow, to Ryo, like the universe has taken a wrong turn somewhere.
Seriously.
Kame was always going to be the brightest star in Jyannis' sky. Or so it used to seem to Ryo. So, he always acted like he was of the same caliber as Kame, maybe better, but he always had his doubts, although he never ever voiced them, not to anyone, lest they should turn into truth once spoken aloud. And now he's here, almost at the summit, he's kinda scared shitless everyone will uncover how shy he really is, how inept at this.
Stardom.
If he were a real pro he'd be working the room.
Like Kame is right now.
He looks so stupidly at ease over there, chatting up staff with his personal blend of impersonal friendliness, a quarter scrupulous politeness, three-quarter slutty charm.
Kame crosses his legs absentmindedly while he listens to some inane tale about the sound engineer's baby daughter who drools in the drollest way apparently.
Fascinating.
His thighs have a shape, Ryo notices, they're actually shapely, they fill his eye-breaking yellow tight pants supersnuggly with not a millimetre to spare between skin and worn leather.
Oh yeah, he's filled out a lot since Ryo last saw him.
If he had the strength to tease, he'd drag his own sexy skinny ass over there to call him a chubby hamster or what. He wouldn't linger over it, because he's never really been able to actually talk to Kame long, for some reason. Whenever he gets anywhere in his periphery he ends up bombing a deprecating remark on him in passing, and then strolling away at this careful mid-tempo pace so as not to look like he's just hit and is now running. Like Kame's always some minor point along his real trajectory, whatever his real trajectory is supposed to be.
He must have gained about the same amount of weight Ryo has lost recently.
Is that how the universe evens things out?
If so the universe has a weird sense of humour.
The weight on Kame shows more on TV and in pictures etc., inevitably, but in real life, now, across the room, Kame looks arrestingly alive and Ryo feels a little disgusted. He looks so easily healthy and so extremely relaxed and like he's feeling fucking simply happy in his own (radiant) skin, it feels fucking unfair.
It's really Ryo who should be looking and feeling like this.
It's his career taking off after all, and Kame's going down the dump.
Argh.
Irk.
Irk, irk, irk.
If Ryo doesn't smoke in the next 30 seconds or so he might self-combust or something.
He might be going to snap at the interviewer.
Or go catatonic on him more likely.
He pushes himself off the bench where he was giving off a practised cool loner of the band image instead of a bright next big solo thing vibe because he hasn't figured the latter out yet, okay, give him a break, fuck. He needs a break, not a professional break, a break from the fucking profession itself.
He's so gonna drop some mean remark on his way past irking Kame.
He won't cower just because of the presence of the Kimura Takuya there.
After all, he's the not-so-distant future starshit himself.
Two steps away he opens his mouth and right at that second Kame looks his direction and smiles at him, really smiles at him, it's a real smile, a gentle smile, a disarming smile and Ryo shuts his trap altogether and zooms beside the Kimura Takuya and Kame and into the hall and up a dinghy staircase and onto the building's rooftop.
He zips his jacket up to his chin to fend off the chill.
It's half-heartedly depressing out here.
The sky streches out over the horizon of uninteresting square roofs with some effort. It looks too tired to manage even minimal but effective FX like a few sparse raindrops.
The best it can do apparently is to drape itself in this washed out, slightly dirty grey which is hard put to it to pass for a colour.
But the view suits Ryo's mood just fine, mind you.
Ryo goes and sits on a stack of convenient bricks who have no real business that he can see being there, or rather, who give off this unfinished business feel, and lights one up.
He's going to drag his ipod earphones out of his pocket and immerse himself into merciful musical oblivion, anything except Jyannis' type pop, Jesus, but then the door he came in by swings open upon its hinges again, energetically.
Especially up on this drab rooftop, Kame is dressed in such a bright colour, at least his bottom half, it hurts Ryo's eyes a little to look at him.
His legs are like two little shapely sunrays. Or something.
Ryo kind of wants to grumble softly, under his breath, at the interruption.
But something lingers upon Kame's face of that gentle earlier smile, and that smile scares the shit out of Ryo, so much he can't even be rude right now.
He's the one in a position of power nowadays.
He knows he is.
He was fucking voted best newcomer of all time by everyone.
Or some such title.
But still, he feels threatened by soon-to-be-has-been here, funnily.
Kame comes and sits next to him on the stack of bricks, and is this because he's gained weight or what? He has to sit so close to Ryo he's brushing the sticky leg within his combat baggy with his shapely yellow leather encased one.
Fucking fatso.
He even smells of simple happiness or something and the perfume totally doesn't fit the scene.
This was meant to be a gloomy loner moment before he burst in like this and made himself impossible to ignore.
So, Ryo can't very well ignore him, but he makes sure to resent him for all he's worth.
The universe is still bent on being all unfair though, and Kame seems to have no problem whatsoever with ignoring Ryo's foul mood in return.
Ryo knows this because he glanced at Kame sideways to check just now and unfortunately Kame was glancing sideways at him at the exact same second.
"Think you could lend me one of them ciggys?" He smiles quickly, not the gentle smile, thank God for small favours, just a regular eyedazzler.
"You smoke?" Ryo asks.
To think he's known for his incisive repartees.
"I sorta quit but I'm craving one like crazy today." Kame's mouth puckers into a heart shape. He looks so sheepish. What is he, superdeformed? Is it his propensity at pulling these improbable pouts off that inspired the cartoon reference in his retarded band's name?
"Uh huh. You'd regret it later." Ryo takes an ostentatious puff of his already lit up cigarette and blows the smoke right on Kame's heart shaped mouth and he's not too sure what he's doing exactly but, anyway. This is more like it.
"Fuck, you're some S." Kame coughs. He scrunches up his nose as he does, and with its peculiar hooked line, it kinda looks like his nose is doubling over.
Ryo feels his mood lift a little, instantly, unexpectedly at the compliment.
Yeah. He's an S. He's cool and in control and given a little time he won't have anything to envy Kimura Takuya about, except possibly his height. Possibly.
But absolutely nothing else. He bets he could even carry around Kame in his pocket too.
If he wanted to.
He grins at him, a tad seductively, testing.
"Meaning you're M?"
The smile is huge so it stretches the taut skin of his thinned face.
Kame doesn't answer it, however.
He doesn't enter the usual game of seduction they all play with each other, more or less, to pass the time in the many empty moments like this one which make up most of a Jyannis' existence.
Without warning the gentle expression infuses his features once more, and Ryo suddenly feels a warm weight resting on his nervous hand.
He doesn't check but he has a pretty good idea what it is.
Kame's own hand.
Who does he think he is to be touching him like this?
It irks Ryo so much it paralyses him on the spot.
"Ryo are you okay?" Kame asks out of nowhere.
He sounds genuinely concerned.
"What do you mean?" Ryo counters and his voice is corrosive.
He's on top of his game, what the fuck does Kame mean by asking something like that and asking it like this, like he knows Ryo, like he knows.
They're not intimate.
They're not even really friends.
Kame lowers his chin close to his chest and the irritating halo of happiness around his curly head fades ever so slightly when he speaks next:
"It's just... I still remember how I felt around the time I was promoting Nobuta, you know. I guess that was the peak of my career so far. Maybe it was even the peak of my career period," he wryly grimaces and Ryo feels a slight tightening of the hold upon his still paralyzed hand "but...Even so. I felt like shit back then. Ironically."
Kame shrugs and it's like he's shrugged off the miserable memories in an instant because he's turned sideways to Ryo again with another of them gentle smiles playing upon his lips.
"That's why, I thought I'd ask. If you're okay."
His hand is still resting on top of Ryo's like it's natural for it to.
But it's not.
"I'm nothing like you, Kamenashi." Ryo spells out glacially, with great concision, the more so because he's terrified he's going to be engulfed by a tsunami of childish emotion right now and won't even be able to get back down and be fucking interviewed and fucking go on with his stellar adult life, all because of soon-to-be-has-been Kamenashi Kazuya's maudlin smiles and falsely naive manner.
The hand slips away at last, to lie limply between Kame's ridiculous shapely solar legs.
Chin to chest.
Fading happiness.
Ryo hating himself.
Kame probably hating him too, except not even, Kame still somehow speaks softly.
"Of course not. I was out of line just now. I'm sorry, Ryo. Really sorry."
And he's gone down below once more, to rejoin the Kimura Takuya's pocket, Ryo supposes, or wherever it is losers at life go.
Ryo has the entire roof to himself once more.
Yay.
----------------------------------------
Now that he's here and Kame's looking at him it's awkward.
Er.
Awkwarder.
"Hey. This is a surprise." Kame peeps past him automatically, like he expects to find Jin or Pi at his back and for them to be the initiators of this impromptu little visit.
He can stop looking.
Ryo is solo.
Kame's still wearing the jell-O yellow leather pants. Wow. Apparently those are part of his personal wardrobe. It's like he knows they destabilise Ryo. Except of course, he didn't know Ryo was going to barge in on him like this tonight.
They still hella destabilise Ryo.
The pants.
Where was he?
God, he's at Kame's.
Get this over with.
"I was also out of line earlier."
Kame's astonishment is palpable.
"You came all the way here to apologise? You shouldn't have. You must be tired to the bone.You could have texted me or..."
"Who said anything about apologising, I'm just setting the facts straights. And anyway, I don't have your number."
"Ah. Okay. Well, since you're here, wanna drink or eat something?"
"Sure." He's trying to be casual. He notices that Kame hasn't offered to give it to him. His number.
Kame himself seems to have not the least trouble being honest-to-goodness casual, after the initial surprise.
"Come in."
He is tired to the bone so maybe that's why he feels like he sleepwalks inside Kame's apartment.
He's never been inside. He's occasionally dropped Pi or Jin off here but he always pretended he was too busy to come up for a minute or what, even when he wasn't.
It's nice.
It's nothing special.
It's just a nice place.
He can sense it in the air, how it's a home to Kame, how he comes back here and takes off his shoes and scarf and then kicks back and becomes a real person.
"What'll you have?"
"Ah. Beer? If you have any."
"One beer coming up."
Kame bends inside the fridge.
His soft grey T-Shirt answers gravity's reverse call.
Reveal.
A waist like that is illegal on a guy.
It's probably illegal even on a girl.
Ryo won't be calling the cops, though.
They would never get here in time.
His feeling of impending doom tells him that much.
"Know what?" Kame asks.
He's taken out a water bottle for himself and, this is definitely home to him, instead of sitting down at the table like Ryo, he's up on the counter, a knee nonchalantly bent up there and toes dangling distractedly into the air. Front cover of Healthy Yet Egdy Living Magazine.
"What?" Ryo's throat is constricted and he doesn't know why.
"Bear in mind, I've had ample time to weigh the pros and the cons of this since this afternoon, ok."
"What?" Ryo says slightly snappily. He's scared, and not afraid to admit it now. At least to himself.
"I still wanna a cigarette."
He wasn't expecting that.
He's not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't that.
He gets up and goes over and gives Kame one.
He also hands him the lighter because he hates clichés.
Of course it doesn't help that his hand trembles slightly with exhaustion just now.
Kame lights the cigarette up and takes a puff.
He inhales and closes his eyes and there it is, that happy-with-life look, as the smoke fills the air on his exhale. He doesn't look like any magazine cover suddenly.
He's just himself.
"I'm gonna go now." Ryo says. He doesn't move, however.
Kame opens his eyes.
Their stares lock. For a second it looks like Kame's gonna protest, argue with him to finish his beer at least, invite him to stay for dinner maybe.
But then Kame just nods.
He slides down the countertop in order to see his uninvited guest to the door.
Ryo feels a little angry and also disappointed.
Kame's initiated this earlier this afternoon, totally, but now Ryo feels like he's struggling on his lonely own.
He's back in the hall in a flash, he's put his jacket on again, his shoes on but he can't seem to find his usual venomous veneer anywhere for a proper acerbic parting shot. He's got his hand on the doorknob. He doesn't want to leave the cocoon of Kame's apartment.
He likes the way it smells in here.
Suddenly he knows what he has to do in order to stay.
Of course.
This is how the script goes.
He turns around and in another second he's pushed Kame against the wall and is kissing him aggressively. Yeah sex is the only excuse he was able to come up with in order to remain in this Kame-made haven a little while longer. But okay, okay he'll admit it. Sex with kame isn't exactly going to be a sacrifice.
Initially Kame doesn't answer his brutal kisses in any way. It's like he's stunned. And then Ryo senses his hands sneaking up his back. They massage his shoulders, slowly, and Ryo realises all of a sudden they're full of tension knots. The pressure forces him to lift his face away from Kame's a little and breathe in.
Kame doesn't relent, he keeps slowly rubbing Ryo's tense muscles. His fingers creep up to his neck and as they tentatively press into his nape, the awakened tension there fucking zings.
Kame massages gently, on and on.
Ryo mmmms mindlessly with an equal mix of pain and relief against Kame's mouth, occasionally, when he can't hold it in anymore.
Kame's tongue darts out sometime, probably just to lick his own lips, but they wet Ryo's whilst doing that, giving him a little electric shock.
Which is when he remembers this is supposed to be wild spontaneous sex and not Relief 101.
He pecks at Kame's lips a little absentmindedly.
Kame smiles against his mouth.
"It's okay. You don't have to do anything. Just relax." He murmurs. "Fuck you're tense" He whispers as his fingers sneak into his Ryo's hair.
"Ah. I. Ah. I feel like shit." Ryo mumbles the confession brokenly.
Kame doesn't answer anything, he just keeps silently caressing his scalp and Ryo feels so grateful he could cry.
He burrows his face inside Kame's shoulder because he's gonna.
God.
He can't cry in front of Kame, on Kame.
This is bad enough as it is.
To distract himself and avoid the flood of threatening tears, Ryo suckles the side of kame's neck.
Kame's skin tastes of ...
Of...
Ryo can't quite determine what so he suckles the hot yummy human elasticity of Kame's neck a little harder to try and get it.
Oh.
Vitality.
It's what Kame's skin tastes like.
It's a taste Ryo's almost forgotten.
He bites into it.
Kame gasps.
"I said it's okay. I understand. Ryo... You don't have to do that." He denies but his voice sounds pretty horny anyway.
Ryo chuckles and then he's actually fucking bawling.
Kame's shapely arms enfold him.
"You need to get some sleep before you get some." Kame scolds Ryo tenderly, like they're an old couple and being all concerned about Ryo now comes naturally to him.
The sobs are racking Ryo's reed thin frame. He can't remember the last time he cried this unabashed, loud, undignified way, like some heartbroken kid whose puppy just got run over by a car right before his very eyes. Actually, he feels like the fucking puppy. He's gonna feel excruciatingly uncool about this whole sorry interlude in his irrepressible rise to stardom in the very near future, he has no doubt, but right now this is such an extraordinary relief.
He grips Kame like the boy's his lifebuoy.
----------------------------------------
"Thanks."
"Anytime." Kame shrugs carefully casual. He doesn't quite meet his eye. Ryo can tell he means that, though. He can come back here. If he can just come back here from time to time, everything else should be okay. He doesn't quite know why it is he believes that. But he suddenly wholeheartedly believes it.
"I'll take you up on that." Ryo is aware he sounds vaguely menacing but Kame doesn't seem to mind, really not.
He walks to the door almost swaggering but, decidedly, there's something which makes it hard for him to leave here because he turns and retraces his footsteps till he's standing mere inches away from Kame again.
"Not that last night wasn't nice: ruining your T Shirt and then hogging the bed and all, it was pretty cool. But I'd still like to have actual sex with you sometime."
Kame doesn't bat an eyelash.
"Anytime." He says softly.
Ryo can tell he means that too. He grins, he knows he looks like a total lovefool, but he only cares a very little right now, and he goes to the door again again again.
This time he's able to open it.
He goes out and closes it behind, easily.
Because now he knows he can be back anytime.
That he will be back.
Tomorrow even.
He strolls onto the street and immediately spots a paparazzo ambushed between two cars. He grins at him. "Morning!" he calls out. "Glorious day, isn't it?" The guy splits like a banana but Ryo's good mood holds steadfast notwithstanding. It's gonna take a lot to shatter this one. He optimistically breathes in a great gulp of polluted morning air, which makes him think to light up a cigarette.
He pats his jacket pocket and realises he's forgotten his lighter at Kame's.
He pauses on the pavement beside his car.
Then he turns on his heels.
He did say anytime.
He doesn't bother to knock at the door, and indeed, it's still open.
Kame's still standing in the hall, like it's all he intends to do today. He's sporting the daftest grin when Ryo re-enters.
It changes to puzzled panic at the sight of him but Ryo takes it in his stride, breezes past him, grabs the lighter upon the kitchen table and heads for the door again again again again.
Simply, he pauses for a second next to Kame on his way there, to apply that bye bye kiss he'd stupidly hesitated to administrate two minutes ago upon the nonplussed parted lips.
He feels Kame's intake of air and that was wholly worth it.
"See you tonight" he calls over his shoulder as he exits the apartment.
The best years of Nishikido Ryo's life now begin.
Warnings : Speculations spinning on so much false whatever
Pairing : RyoKame more than ever
A/N : for my own personal lolcatz provider and uplifter of my mood :-*.
These, these are the best years of Nishikido Ryo's life.
In all probability.
It hits home.
It only hits home now as he waits to be interviewed on his own, a full-blown interview. Unlike Kamenashi Kazuya sitting there across the room who's only going to be going in as a sidesman, some sort of accessory to the Kimura Takuya. Yeah like the Kimura Takuya's little cute hamster that he carries around in his pocket everywhere to show off.
Sure it's a cute act.
But there's no room for mistake.
Kame's not the star there.
At best he's a satellite.
Ryo, now, is the star of his own show. Shows.
It's started this year, his being awarded a succession of successful roles, and it hasn't shown any signs of stopping since and now he's in the Limelight with a big L and what they never mention about it all those years they dangle the thing, the Fame, in front of their impressionable junior noses is that the lime is in the word for a reason.
Yes, there's an unexplainable but undeniable bitterness about the Fame.
It's an acquired taste he supposes.
Ryo'll get around to fully appreciating it, he decides, the second he can take a breather.
Although that second is looking invisible so far on the horizon of his schedule.
But he can't and he won't complain.
At least not aloud.
It's Ryo's hour of glory.
He needs to seize it unabashedly.
What if it totally stresses him out to see it taking off like some fucking rocket.
His career.
He was always successful from the very beginning, from his Ryo-chan days, sure, but guess what, now it looks like he can shed the fucking chan at long last.
Oh he knew it was affectionate of the fans and shit.
It still hella rankled.
Who wants to be indefinitely diminutively suffixed?
The intent was always to be Ryo-sama, motherfucker.
Getting there.
At lightning speed even.
So why the want to crawl in a corner somewhere and bawl his eyes out, one asks? Ryo asks himself, for the umpteenth time. He answers the same as all the times before.
He knows it's mostly just exhaustion, this feeling.
Who knew you actually had to work at it so damn hard, once you reach this level, instead of relaxing and enjoying and reaping everything to the max?
Kame probably.
And yeah, even then, having gotten here, it doesn't quite guarantee you the glory, not long term.
Ask the Kimura Takuya's cutie pet over there.
He's grateful to be just guesting, Ryo bets, and that'll maybe be his biggest break this year.
Life as it's unfolding now.
It seems to be running on error mode somehow, to Ryo, like the universe has taken a wrong turn somewhere.
Seriously.
Kame was always going to be the brightest star in Jyannis' sky. Or so it used to seem to Ryo. So, he always acted like he was of the same caliber as Kame, maybe better, but he always had his doubts, although he never ever voiced them, not to anyone, lest they should turn into truth once spoken aloud. And now he's here, almost at the summit, he's kinda scared shitless everyone will uncover how shy he really is, how inept at this.
Stardom.
If he were a real pro he'd be working the room.
Like Kame is right now.
He looks so stupidly at ease over there, chatting up staff with his personal blend of impersonal friendliness, a quarter scrupulous politeness, three-quarter slutty charm.
Kame crosses his legs absentmindedly while he listens to some inane tale about the sound engineer's baby daughter who drools in the drollest way apparently.
Fascinating.
His thighs have a shape, Ryo notices, they're actually shapely, they fill his eye-breaking yellow tight pants supersnuggly with not a millimetre to spare between skin and worn leather.
Oh yeah, he's filled out a lot since Ryo last saw him.
If he had the strength to tease, he'd drag his own sexy skinny ass over there to call him a chubby hamster or what. He wouldn't linger over it, because he's never really been able to actually talk to Kame long, for some reason. Whenever he gets anywhere in his periphery he ends up bombing a deprecating remark on him in passing, and then strolling away at this careful mid-tempo pace so as not to look like he's just hit and is now running. Like Kame's always some minor point along his real trajectory, whatever his real trajectory is supposed to be.
He must have gained about the same amount of weight Ryo has lost recently.
Is that how the universe evens things out?
If so the universe has a weird sense of humour.
The weight on Kame shows more on TV and in pictures etc., inevitably, but in real life, now, across the room, Kame looks arrestingly alive and Ryo feels a little disgusted. He looks so easily healthy and so extremely relaxed and like he's feeling fucking simply happy in his own (radiant) skin, it feels fucking unfair.
It's really Ryo who should be looking and feeling like this.
It's his career taking off after all, and Kame's going down the dump.
Argh.
Irk.
Irk, irk, irk.
If Ryo doesn't smoke in the next 30 seconds or so he might self-combust or something.
He might be going to snap at the interviewer.
Or go catatonic on him more likely.
He pushes himself off the bench where he was giving off a practised cool loner of the band image instead of a bright next big solo thing vibe because he hasn't figured the latter out yet, okay, give him a break, fuck. He needs a break, not a professional break, a break from the fucking profession itself.
He's so gonna drop some mean remark on his way past irking Kame.
He won't cower just because of the presence of the Kimura Takuya there.
After all, he's the not-so-distant future starshit himself.
Two steps away he opens his mouth and right at that second Kame looks his direction and smiles at him, really smiles at him, it's a real smile, a gentle smile, a disarming smile and Ryo shuts his trap altogether and zooms beside the Kimura Takuya and Kame and into the hall and up a dinghy staircase and onto the building's rooftop.
He zips his jacket up to his chin to fend off the chill.
It's half-heartedly depressing out here.
The sky streches out over the horizon of uninteresting square roofs with some effort. It looks too tired to manage even minimal but effective FX like a few sparse raindrops.
The best it can do apparently is to drape itself in this washed out, slightly dirty grey which is hard put to it to pass for a colour.
But the view suits Ryo's mood just fine, mind you.
Ryo goes and sits on a stack of convenient bricks who have no real business that he can see being there, or rather, who give off this unfinished business feel, and lights one up.
He's going to drag his ipod earphones out of his pocket and immerse himself into merciful musical oblivion, anything except Jyannis' type pop, Jesus, but then the door he came in by swings open upon its hinges again, energetically.
Especially up on this drab rooftop, Kame is dressed in such a bright colour, at least his bottom half, it hurts Ryo's eyes a little to look at him.
His legs are like two little shapely sunrays. Or something.
Ryo kind of wants to grumble softly, under his breath, at the interruption.
But something lingers upon Kame's face of that gentle earlier smile, and that smile scares the shit out of Ryo, so much he can't even be rude right now.
He's the one in a position of power nowadays.
He knows he is.
He was fucking voted best newcomer of all time by everyone.
Or some such title.
But still, he feels threatened by soon-to-be-has-been here, funnily.
Kame comes and sits next to him on the stack of bricks, and is this because he's gained weight or what? He has to sit so close to Ryo he's brushing the sticky leg within his combat baggy with his shapely yellow leather encased one.
Fucking fatso.
He even smells of simple happiness or something and the perfume totally doesn't fit the scene.
This was meant to be a gloomy loner moment before he burst in like this and made himself impossible to ignore.
So, Ryo can't very well ignore him, but he makes sure to resent him for all he's worth.
The universe is still bent on being all unfair though, and Kame seems to have no problem whatsoever with ignoring Ryo's foul mood in return.
Ryo knows this because he glanced at Kame sideways to check just now and unfortunately Kame was glancing sideways at him at the exact same second.
"Think you could lend me one of them ciggys?" He smiles quickly, not the gentle smile, thank God for small favours, just a regular eyedazzler.
"You smoke?" Ryo asks.
To think he's known for his incisive repartees.
"I sorta quit but I'm craving one like crazy today." Kame's mouth puckers into a heart shape. He looks so sheepish. What is he, superdeformed? Is it his propensity at pulling these improbable pouts off that inspired the cartoon reference in his retarded band's name?
"Uh huh. You'd regret it later." Ryo takes an ostentatious puff of his already lit up cigarette and blows the smoke right on Kame's heart shaped mouth and he's not too sure what he's doing exactly but, anyway. This is more like it.
"Fuck, you're some S." Kame coughs. He scrunches up his nose as he does, and with its peculiar hooked line, it kinda looks like his nose is doubling over.
Ryo feels his mood lift a little, instantly, unexpectedly at the compliment.
Yeah. He's an S. He's cool and in control and given a little time he won't have anything to envy Kimura Takuya about, except possibly his height. Possibly.
But absolutely nothing else. He bets he could even carry around Kame in his pocket too.
If he wanted to.
He grins at him, a tad seductively, testing.
"Meaning you're M?"
The smile is huge so it stretches the taut skin of his thinned face.
Kame doesn't answer it, however.
He doesn't enter the usual game of seduction they all play with each other, more or less, to pass the time in the many empty moments like this one which make up most of a Jyannis' existence.
Without warning the gentle expression infuses his features once more, and Ryo suddenly feels a warm weight resting on his nervous hand.
He doesn't check but he has a pretty good idea what it is.
Kame's own hand.
Who does he think he is to be touching him like this?
It irks Ryo so much it paralyses him on the spot.
"Ryo are you okay?" Kame asks out of nowhere.
He sounds genuinely concerned.
"What do you mean?" Ryo counters and his voice is corrosive.
He's on top of his game, what the fuck does Kame mean by asking something like that and asking it like this, like he knows Ryo, like he knows.
They're not intimate.
They're not even really friends.
Kame lowers his chin close to his chest and the irritating halo of happiness around his curly head fades ever so slightly when he speaks next:
"It's just... I still remember how I felt around the time I was promoting Nobuta, you know. I guess that was the peak of my career so far. Maybe it was even the peak of my career period," he wryly grimaces and Ryo feels a slight tightening of the hold upon his still paralyzed hand "but...Even so. I felt like shit back then. Ironically."
Kame shrugs and it's like he's shrugged off the miserable memories in an instant because he's turned sideways to Ryo again with another of them gentle smiles playing upon his lips.
"That's why, I thought I'd ask. If you're okay."
His hand is still resting on top of Ryo's like it's natural for it to.
But it's not.
"I'm nothing like you, Kamenashi." Ryo spells out glacially, with great concision, the more so because he's terrified he's going to be engulfed by a tsunami of childish emotion right now and won't even be able to get back down and be fucking interviewed and fucking go on with his stellar adult life, all because of soon-to-be-has-been Kamenashi Kazuya's maudlin smiles and falsely naive manner.
The hand slips away at last, to lie limply between Kame's ridiculous shapely solar legs.
Chin to chest.
Fading happiness.
Ryo hating himself.
Kame probably hating him too, except not even, Kame still somehow speaks softly.
"Of course not. I was out of line just now. I'm sorry, Ryo. Really sorry."
And he's gone down below once more, to rejoin the Kimura Takuya's pocket, Ryo supposes, or wherever it is losers at life go.
Ryo has the entire roof to himself once more.
Yay.
----------------------------------------
Now that he's here and Kame's looking at him it's awkward.
Er.
Awkwarder.
"Hey. This is a surprise." Kame peeps past him automatically, like he expects to find Jin or Pi at his back and for them to be the initiators of this impromptu little visit.
He can stop looking.
Ryo is solo.
Kame's still wearing the jell-O yellow leather pants. Wow. Apparently those are part of his personal wardrobe. It's like he knows they destabilise Ryo. Except of course, he didn't know Ryo was going to barge in on him like this tonight.
They still hella destabilise Ryo.
The pants.
Where was he?
God, he's at Kame's.
Get this over with.
"I was also out of line earlier."
Kame's astonishment is palpable.
"You came all the way here to apologise? You shouldn't have. You must be tired to the bone.You could have texted me or..."
"Who said anything about apologising, I'm just setting the facts straights. And anyway, I don't have your number."
"Ah. Okay. Well, since you're here, wanna drink or eat something?"
"Sure." He's trying to be casual. He notices that Kame hasn't offered to give it to him. His number.
Kame himself seems to have not the least trouble being honest-to-goodness casual, after the initial surprise.
"Come in."
He is tired to the bone so maybe that's why he feels like he sleepwalks inside Kame's apartment.
He's never been inside. He's occasionally dropped Pi or Jin off here but he always pretended he was too busy to come up for a minute or what, even when he wasn't.
It's nice.
It's nothing special.
It's just a nice place.
He can sense it in the air, how it's a home to Kame, how he comes back here and takes off his shoes and scarf and then kicks back and becomes a real person.
"What'll you have?"
"Ah. Beer? If you have any."
"One beer coming up."
Kame bends inside the fridge.
His soft grey T-Shirt answers gravity's reverse call.
Reveal.
A waist like that is illegal on a guy.
It's probably illegal even on a girl.
Ryo won't be calling the cops, though.
They would never get here in time.
His feeling of impending doom tells him that much.
"Know what?" Kame asks.
He's taken out a water bottle for himself and, this is definitely home to him, instead of sitting down at the table like Ryo, he's up on the counter, a knee nonchalantly bent up there and toes dangling distractedly into the air. Front cover of Healthy Yet Egdy Living Magazine.
"What?" Ryo's throat is constricted and he doesn't know why.
"Bear in mind, I've had ample time to weigh the pros and the cons of this since this afternoon, ok."
"What?" Ryo says slightly snappily. He's scared, and not afraid to admit it now. At least to himself.
"I still wanna a cigarette."
He wasn't expecting that.
He's not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't that.
He gets up and goes over and gives Kame one.
He also hands him the lighter because he hates clichés.
Of course it doesn't help that his hand trembles slightly with exhaustion just now.
Kame lights the cigarette up and takes a puff.
He inhales and closes his eyes and there it is, that happy-with-life look, as the smoke fills the air on his exhale. He doesn't look like any magazine cover suddenly.
He's just himself.
"I'm gonna go now." Ryo says. He doesn't move, however.
Kame opens his eyes.
Their stares lock. For a second it looks like Kame's gonna protest, argue with him to finish his beer at least, invite him to stay for dinner maybe.
But then Kame just nods.
He slides down the countertop in order to see his uninvited guest to the door.
Ryo feels a little angry and also disappointed.
Kame's initiated this earlier this afternoon, totally, but now Ryo feels like he's struggling on his lonely own.
He's back in the hall in a flash, he's put his jacket on again, his shoes on but he can't seem to find his usual venomous veneer anywhere for a proper acerbic parting shot. He's got his hand on the doorknob. He doesn't want to leave the cocoon of Kame's apartment.
He likes the way it smells in here.
Suddenly he knows what he has to do in order to stay.
Of course.
This is how the script goes.
He turns around and in another second he's pushed Kame against the wall and is kissing him aggressively. Yeah sex is the only excuse he was able to come up with in order to remain in this Kame-made haven a little while longer. But okay, okay he'll admit it. Sex with kame isn't exactly going to be a sacrifice.
Initially Kame doesn't answer his brutal kisses in any way. It's like he's stunned. And then Ryo senses his hands sneaking up his back. They massage his shoulders, slowly, and Ryo realises all of a sudden they're full of tension knots. The pressure forces him to lift his face away from Kame's a little and breathe in.
Kame doesn't relent, he keeps slowly rubbing Ryo's tense muscles. His fingers creep up to his neck and as they tentatively press into his nape, the awakened tension there fucking zings.
Kame massages gently, on and on.
Ryo mmmms mindlessly with an equal mix of pain and relief against Kame's mouth, occasionally, when he can't hold it in anymore.
Kame's tongue darts out sometime, probably just to lick his own lips, but they wet Ryo's whilst doing that, giving him a little electric shock.
Which is when he remembers this is supposed to be wild spontaneous sex and not Relief 101.
He pecks at Kame's lips a little absentmindedly.
Kame smiles against his mouth.
"It's okay. You don't have to do anything. Just relax." He murmurs. "Fuck you're tense" He whispers as his fingers sneak into his Ryo's hair.
"Ah. I. Ah. I feel like shit." Ryo mumbles the confession brokenly.
Kame doesn't answer anything, he just keeps silently caressing his scalp and Ryo feels so grateful he could cry.
He burrows his face inside Kame's shoulder because he's gonna.
God.
He can't cry in front of Kame, on Kame.
This is bad enough as it is.
To distract himself and avoid the flood of threatening tears, Ryo suckles the side of kame's neck.
Kame's skin tastes of ...
Of...
Ryo can't quite determine what so he suckles the hot yummy human elasticity of Kame's neck a little harder to try and get it.
Oh.
Vitality.
It's what Kame's skin tastes like.
It's a taste Ryo's almost forgotten.
He bites into it.
Kame gasps.
"I said it's okay. I understand. Ryo... You don't have to do that." He denies but his voice sounds pretty horny anyway.
Ryo chuckles and then he's actually fucking bawling.
Kame's shapely arms enfold him.
"You need to get some sleep before you get some." Kame scolds Ryo tenderly, like they're an old couple and being all concerned about Ryo now comes naturally to him.
The sobs are racking Ryo's reed thin frame. He can't remember the last time he cried this unabashed, loud, undignified way, like some heartbroken kid whose puppy just got run over by a car right before his very eyes. Actually, he feels like the fucking puppy. He's gonna feel excruciatingly uncool about this whole sorry interlude in his irrepressible rise to stardom in the very near future, he has no doubt, but right now this is such an extraordinary relief.
He grips Kame like the boy's his lifebuoy.
----------------------------------------
"Thanks."
"Anytime." Kame shrugs carefully casual. He doesn't quite meet his eye. Ryo can tell he means that, though. He can come back here. If he can just come back here from time to time, everything else should be okay. He doesn't quite know why it is he believes that. But he suddenly wholeheartedly believes it.
"I'll take you up on that." Ryo is aware he sounds vaguely menacing but Kame doesn't seem to mind, really not.
He walks to the door almost swaggering but, decidedly, there's something which makes it hard for him to leave here because he turns and retraces his footsteps till he's standing mere inches away from Kame again.
"Not that last night wasn't nice: ruining your T Shirt and then hogging the bed and all, it was pretty cool. But I'd still like to have actual sex with you sometime."
Kame doesn't bat an eyelash.
"Anytime." He says softly.
Ryo can tell he means that too. He grins, he knows he looks like a total lovefool, but he only cares a very little right now, and he goes to the door again again again.
This time he's able to open it.
He goes out and closes it behind, easily.
Because now he knows he can be back anytime.
That he will be back.
Tomorrow even.
He strolls onto the street and immediately spots a paparazzo ambushed between two cars. He grins at him. "Morning!" he calls out. "Glorious day, isn't it?" The guy splits like a banana but Ryo's good mood holds steadfast notwithstanding. It's gonna take a lot to shatter this one. He optimistically breathes in a great gulp of polluted morning air, which makes him think to light up a cigarette.
He pats his jacket pocket and realises he's forgotten his lighter at Kame's.
He pauses on the pavement beside his car.
Then he turns on his heels.
He did say anytime.
He doesn't bother to knock at the door, and indeed, it's still open.
Kame's still standing in the hall, like it's all he intends to do today. He's sporting the daftest grin when Ryo re-enters.
It changes to puzzled panic at the sight of him but Ryo takes it in his stride, breezes past him, grabs the lighter upon the kitchen table and heads for the door again again again again.
Simply, he pauses for a second next to Kame on his way there, to apply that bye bye kiss he'd stupidly hesitated to administrate two minutes ago upon the nonplussed parted lips.
He feels Kame's intake of air and that was wholly worth it.
"See you tonight" he calls over his shoulder as he exits the apartment.
The best years of Nishikido Ryo's life now begin.
34 scones | Pass me the scones, please?
