Heya *waves and splashes*

How are you, nice people? I hope you're doing great and enjoying splendid health and that life progresses in the direction you want it to exactly ^^. I'm not around very much and I do miss you, which is how I think I ended up writing crack on a Sunday ^^"""".


Title : War and Peace and Banana Ice Cream and Online Games and Documentaries on Pandas and General Procrastination and (a very little) Jealousy and Happy Endings
Genre : Crack
Rating : PG-13
A/N : For akillarian  : I don't mean to distract you from your studies , you understand ^__________^ : it's only for when you want a what the fuck moment of relaxation. Also *hugs you so hard and wishes she could retrieve the missing info from your mean comp*. I really really hope that setback didn't hit you too hard studywise, ne :-*. For mattiezumi , owning Japan as I speak, I just know it. I'm so torn between wanting you to stay some more over there so you have LOTS MORE STILL to tell when you come back and wanting you to come back immediately because, well,  I miss you LOTS. Simply ^^.  For sevenswells  : from twiliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight to twiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiight 2! I can't wait but, yeah, I have to occupy myself in the meantime and this is how I do it ^^""""""""""""""""""".



Ryo had a bit of time to kill, o rare instance.

Why not read War and Peace.

He'd ordered it on amazon after hearing Shige mention how the thing was beyond even his superior grey matter.

Yeah, just, just because he was a star in fabulous Jyannis didn't mean he needed to neglect his neurons.

Also, he wouldn't mind shutting Shige's trap for once. Once upon a time. Yeah, he was having a little trouble digesting that Shige'd ratted to mofoing Wink Up about the fact that Nishikido Ryo still read fairytales at his now adult age.

Of course he'd laughed it off when confronted with it.

With his killer sense of humour.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of the fact okay.

It was that he had a Nishikido Ryo: Now Mature! image to uphold at the moment and he hated being made to feel like this new image was basically a thin sheet he had to hastily hoist upon some naked as a baby bookworm self.

So, he was declaring war on Shige and reading motherfucking War and Peace.

Who knew? It might turn out to be mindblowing. The cost of having all four volumes delivered had already been more than a bit mindblowing. Oh man. Great omen.

Okay, but if he was gonna do this, he was gonna do this right.

Nishikido Ryo didn't do things halfheartedly.

He went into the kitchen to get himself a snack - food for thought, as it were.

Since they'd said on the episode of Mr. Brain he'd incidentally been brainwashed into watching ( but he might not be able to grumble too much about this, since that person that had washed his brain had also washed his laundry all of last week without even being asked, maybe because he knew last weeeek had been superbusy for Ryo. Or. Because. He. Was. Just. That. Fricking. Sweet.)  how bananas stimulated your brain (duh) he got the tub of banana ice-cream out from the very back of the freezer compartment. Extremely rapid sugar, he was sure. (He didn't even like sugary shit but since he was doing this...  Sweet person wouldn't mind that he'd hit his secret stash. He decided.)

Then, in order to get into a warrior frame of mind (half the appropriate mood to read the novel if one when about things methodically, and Nishikido Ryo went about things methodically : using Nishikido Ryo's own method) he went online and played a war game (which he lost) (by one effin' millimetre, no more. ARGH). (ARGH.) (ARGH!)

Once that done (he was dejected) (a millimetre. At most) (and a bit nauseous) ( since he had managed to down the whole of the banana ice-cream tub, no problem) (actually, going for that last spoonful at a key point in the action might have been what cost him victory) he watched a documentary about the preservation of wildlife (it was the panda episode, he'd already seen it, like, ages ago.) Most peaceful thing on today's ever violent TV he could find.

So peaceful, in fact, that he fell asleep on the bed then and there.

When he woke up, the pandas had somehow transformed into Arashi dancing upon a rainbow on the screen and it was already night time.

Talk about a shocking awakening.

Whoa.

His cell phone was flashing next to his hand upon the bed and a quick check of his messages revealed to him that even after his prolonged peace nap, there was time yet for him to kill.

Oh.

He sat up against the head of the bed and turned the lamp on the night table on.

The light fell on the solid gilded letters ornating tome one's awaiting cover.

Enough time to get started on War and Peace?

Nah.

He didn't think so.

But being Nishikido Ryo, he could still give it a shot.

He wouldn't have peace of mind until he'd won this intellectual war, he fathomed.

So he went to his cupboard in the corner and spent a few minutes poring over his collection of glasses for the optimal pair with which to approach his intellectual lecture.

That he had 10/10 vision was irrelevant : just like he oughtn't to neglect his intellect because he was hotness itself, there was equally no reason why he should neglect his outer style just because of his innate brilliance.

Yes, even at home.

Style was something you had 24/7, F.Y.I.

Armed with a pair of vintage horn rims and having enveloped himself in the cardigan he'd pinched from his grumpy grandpa for an instant badass vintage look ( he must remember to get a pipe somewhere, decidedly) he lay back upon the bed with the sort of elegance (he thought) conferred only by intelligence.

And then he seized tome one from the top of the pile like a man.

Heavy.

He made a point of reading the title anew.

It hadn't changed in the interval.

War and Peace.

A lot to ponder in just the title itself.

Ryo threw his head back upon the pillow, meditatively, and pondered until his neck ached.

He liked at least one half of the title already.

He turned the cover with a great sense of fate turning but, exactly as he was about to plunge into the novel proper, the front door opened.

He heard it do so.

It was all the characteristic noises, lock clicking, key turning, slightly off key humming.

Ryo looked up like lightning, gripping the book (why was he gripping the book?).

Socks padding across the entry hall and then - Kame, without pause at the threshold, coming inside the room, rosy-cheeked for no discernible reason and now beside him on the bed.

Pecking at his lips.

He was as suddenly annoyingly present as he had been annoyingly absent all afternoon.

Of course.

War and Peace was slowly slipping from Ryo's fingers with every peck on his lips.

Kame drew back a little.

"Hey. I dunno whether you got my message? I got a bit held up after work, sorry. It was Kimura-kun. He dropped in from the set next door to say hi."

So pink.

Tender pink.

His cheeks.

Ryo mustered dignity around him along with the cardigan and turned back to Tolstoy.

People with badass names also kept him company.

Kame peered at the volume in Ryo's hands. "But I bet you got so lost within whatever story this is, you hardly noticed right." Ryo sensed him smiling happily inches from his face. Right. "Go on, read on. I don't want to interrupt if you're at a good passage or anything".

How very generous of him. But wasn't Kame ever generous? To everyone.

"Yeah" Ryo grumbled.

He'd reopened the book at chapter five but fuck it. He didn't honestly think there was reason to be overly worried about War and Peace spoilers. This was, after all, only tome one of fucking four.

Fuck.

And he didn't want Kame thinking he could make him yearn the whole afternoon like that and then that he, Nishikido Ryo, would just drop every fucking fascinating thing he might be engrossed in (about to get completely engrossed in. Whatever) the second he got there from being no doubt chatted up pink by Kimura fucking Takuya in person.

Hell no.

After a second or two of silently observing Ryo's absorbed reading profile, Kame slid into a lying position beside him, his face into his arm.

What kind of a position was that?

"I'm gonna go shower in a minute." He was speaking into the sleeve of Ryo's grumpy grandpa cardigan and it sounded like he was addressing himself, rather.  "And then maybe I'll watch a movie while you read." He'd somehow snuggled a thick finger inside a loose part of patternwork of the cardigan and Ryo felt the small pad of it against the skin of his forearm. "Don't worry, I won't watch it loud." He didn't know about chapters one, two, three and four but chapter five of War and Peace so far wasn't very fun. Not the first line of it he'd read so far. Then again, warm breath kept reaching him through wool. That was distracting. "I wanna watch Twilight. My sister said it's so romantic and Koki said it rocks pretty hard. So I guess it's really romantic."

Kame said that with so much fucking longing.

Adorable! It is enough to make one's head whirl!

Went line two of chapter five of War and Peace.

And Ryo had no idea who and what Tolstoy meant to describe with those words, but they really seemed disturbingly fitting just at present.

Before Ryo could gather his wits and get to line three, Kame flopped away and to the side all of a sudden and he was about to get off the bed and go shower and watch really romantic Twilight without him, Ryo supposed.

Ryo dropped War and Peace as well as his pretense of being interested in it like a hot potato, and pulled Kame back into a lying position and under him.

He kissed him.

He didn't need to chat Kame up any colour before they got down to business.

There had to be advantages to being the motherfucking official boyfriend after all.

Give it a few minutes and Kame was fucking giggling and Ryo had not been joking in the least.

"What?" Ryo wanted to know.

"Your glasses. They're all steamed up."

He tossed them away.

"Hey." Kame protested, still amused "I didn't mind. You look kinda hot with them on."

"Better than Mr. Brain?"

Kame's chuckles died down and he blinked softly, a few times, under the intensity of first the words and then Ryo's stare, until his features were perfectly serious.

There was this silence wherein Ryo had the time to measure exactly how insecure that had come off sounding.

Kame's fingers, he then realised, were caressing his eyebrows as though to make them unfurl.

"Better than anybody."

Ryo gulped but he didn't manage to gulp quite as casually as he'd have liked.

"Wow. You're bright pink you know." He said to Kame to cover his own embarrassment and it was true, Kame was bright pink going on fucking fuschia.

"Nobody compares to you." Kame continued, a little too loudly, ignoring the remark but getting fuschia for reals. "Nobody." He added doggedly, entwining his fingers within the fabric of the grandpa cardigan Ryo was still wearing, with insistence. In case Ryo hadn't got it.

"I knew that." Ryo said, now nonchalantly.

He felt tons better, even if he hadn't known until just now how opressed and thus pissed off he'd been feeling all day. All weeeek.

"Whatever." Kame mumbled, and that was one of the things Ryo especially appreciated about him, how graciously he let these things go. It was incredibly convenient.  "I'm just relieved we're not gonna fight tonight."

"Who said anything about fighting?" Ryo grinned and leaned in closer.

Yeah, forget blood red etc. He bet he could make Kame turn an actual cerise colour.

Pacifically, of course.

War was okay, but when it came right down to it, Ryo championed peace.

And what the fuck, Nishikido Ryo really preferred fairytales to great classic novels okay.

Something to do with happy endings.




_____________________________________________________________________________


OMAKE


In this really romantic happily ever after, Nishikido Ryo still thought Twilight was total shit, though.